How to Handle a Coworker Conflict - The Muse

How to Handle a Coworker Conflict - The MuseHow to Handle a Coworker Conflict Connecting with colleagues can be one of the more challenging (and yet, rarely talked about) hurdles of the modern workplace. While there will be some co-workers you vibe with immediately, there will be others you just wont feel in sync with. And if its someone you work with once a quarter, no big deal. But if its someone you have to deal with on a weekly- or daily- basis, getting comfy with your colleagues becomes way more important.And herein lies the challenge. If youre not grooving with someone immediately, theres probably a reason why. As with any relationship, some people just dont hit it off, but when you have to work with someone, life gets a whole lot easier when you can find some common ground. Heres how to start.1. Stop TryingAs soon as you sense someone isnt quite digging you, the natural instinct is to try to make that person like you. Bad idea. I dont know how, but we humans can usually tell w hen someone is trying too hard, and thats almost always a turnoff. I dont have any scientific evidence, but I can tell you from experience that every time Ive actively tried to get on someones good side, its never gone well.Instead, do your best to just forget you have any issues with your colleague at all. Treat him or her just as you would anyone else. Dont try to make jokes, skip the small talk, and get to business. I promise, the sooner you stop trying so hard to win your colleague over, the sooner youll win him or her over.2. Stop TalkingI dont know about you, but I have the unfortunate nervous habit of talking too much when Im nervous or anxious. This is the last thing you want to do if youre trying to form an alliance with an icy colleague. If someone isnt all that into you, your constant chatting wont endear you to him or her. Instead, opt to listen more than you speak, and let your colleague do the talking. Shell appreciate the opportunity to speak her mind and respect the fact youre not constantly trying to get a word in. As the saying goes, silence is golden. Give your colleague a gunst der stunde to do all the talking, and before long youll find shell be asking you what you think.3. Ask for HelpSo, weve established that trying to impress when were not feeling a connection with someone else rarely works- and often just sets us back even further.What does seem to work, however, is a dose of humility. Just about everyone appreciates being asked to share their expertise, and that includes your steely colleague. Choose an area in which he excels, and find ways to ask for his help. If hes an Excel pro, ask him for tips on pivot tables. If its Bob from accounting, ask him to explain depreciation. You get the idea. Keep it simple and quick- you dont want to burden your colleague, just give him the chance to show off a bit. Despite what many a cartoon may have said in my youth, theres no secret potion to make everyone like you. No matter how charming and aw esome your friends and mother think you are, eventually youll run into someone who just doesnt dig you. And guess what? Thats totally OK. But, there are things you can do to make life a bit less awkward. Keep these tips in mind, and youll soften the tension with your colleague. And with a little luck and all that charm of yours, you might convert that foe into a friend in the office. Photo of ice woman courtesy of Shutterstock.